Last week, I told y’all that Fuck Buddy, B.U.D.D.Y. and friend that becomes a lover are all very different things to me and I gave y’all my definition of what a Fuck Buddy is. It was a hot topic because many of you sent me tweets, direct messages, left Facebook comments/messages, blew up my BBM and sent emails telling me about your experiences. I really loved hearing all your stories. I encourage y’all to leave comments here so that we can discuss what works and what doesn’t as a group. I am not only writing Erotic Stories and these blog posts as my own therapy but because I know I can’t be alone in how I think and feel.
So, let’s get back to learning more about my crazy yet not so insane theories…
B.U.D.D.Y. n. a person with whom one becomes acquainted with for the purpose of satisfying carnal desires and forming a romantic friendship that is not exclusive
Note: if you don’t know the textbook definitions of ALL the words I’ve used to define B.U.D.D.Y. and you also make the mental note that this relationship is not exclusive then you really can’t even begin to understand my definition of what one is.
You meet someone that you are physically attracted to. You get to know them some then end up liking their personality enough to want their company. This is someone you want to sex, socialize with and depend on. This person gets the full benefits of a courtship except exclusivity.
First and foremost, to embark into a B.U.D.D.Y. relationship both individuals must not be the jealous or possessive type. If you or the other person are jealous or possessive this is NOT going to work. Don’t even try to lie to yourselves ladies and some fellows! You damn well know if you need that security exclusivity provides. If you are going to trip about where the other person is at, does he/she like Suzzy/Bobby more than me, or you just plain like your man/woman sitting up under you 24/7 then this shit isn’t going to work for you. Not. Never. Ever. Go find yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend and stop lying to yourself!
The main difference between a Fuck Buddy and a B.U.D.D.Y. is that with the latter you do spend time doing more than just sexing. You date. You socialize with friends like any other couple. You talk about the future and possibly even start to plan out a future together. You share. You care. Yes, you can care and share with a Fuck Buddy but you don’t associate with that person outside of the bedroom, kitchen, car, beach, elevator or other place y’all might be fucking at. What you definitely aren’t doing with Fuck Buddy is planning a future beyond when is the next time y’all are meeting to have sex again. The plans for the future are saved for someone B.U.D.D.Y. status.
Oh, boy, now you think I’m completely confused and don’t know what the hell I’m talking about because of that last sentence. Yes, I did say that you can possibly plan a future with a B.U.D.D.Y. in fact, yes, yes, yes, you can! If you think I’m nuts keep reading because you don’t have a clue what a B.U.D.D.Y. really is. Musiq’s B.U.D.D.Y. gives away the type of relationship that a B.U.D.D.Y. arrangement really is. Since, I know that I can’t listen to the song without wanting to dance let me give ya the lyrics that detail it for ya right here.
I just wanna part of your heart I can borrow / (sometimes) and maybe I could call you up (sometimes) / And maybe I can take you out (sometimes) / This a different type of commitment (yeah) / I’m talking ‘bout a true friendship (yeah) / Someone I can depend on / To be down no matter what / But, but, wait, wait, let me explain a buddy is a equal beneficial arrangement / A buddy is a buddy that don’t be complaining / When his or her buddy ain’t the buddy they came with / The definition of a real buddy is… (that) / She’s that one that you can have fun / And ride shotgun through the city with me / Together there’s no limit to what we can do / And once we in it girl it’s all about me and you / Don’t be shy, give it a try I could be yours and you could be mine
I know you my friends are all smart. Very. What is Musiq describing?
Yes, a B.U.D.D.Y. arrangement is an open relationship! What some of y’all didn’t know that this song and term are about polyamory? Well it is. It has to be. There ain’t no way you are in a commitment that involves you and your partner being cool with one/both of y’all dating and sexing others too unless you are in an open relationship. So, next time this song comes on causing you to start singing it all loud and proud remember you are singing about open relationships. He isn’t talking about a Fuck Buddy that you get to date and socialize with, there isn’t such a thing…it doesn’t exist. People this stuff really isn’t that complicated once you learn these definitions, grasp them and figure out how you want them to apply to you and your love life.
Before you start judging consider that many of your friends and family are in open relationships but don’t call it that. To many what truly is an open relationship is seen and labeled as dating with sex while exploring other options. There are many people in happy successful open relationships but remember that a B.U.D.D.Y. relationship can pose it’s challenges. The main problem is that one person will become more attached than the other person. I’ve had B.U.D.D.Y. arrangements that worked fine for me and the men involved but I think the key was that this sort of bond worked for the point our lives were in at that time. I know what you are thinking here I go again with terms and conditions and yes, here I go.
A B.U.D.D.Y. agreement works very well for people who are busy professionals, college students, people that travel often and for people who enjoy their alone time. It works best when both partners have a large dating pool to choose from that they want to swim in while enjoying and exploring the relationship with their B.U.D.D.Y. further. When both partners agree that they both can date/sex others and not trip that is an open relationship that can work and provide freedom that is unparalleled. Not having to be up under someone 24/7, being able to walk away for a hot minute, enjoying the company and pleasures of another person, while having someone who is committed to being there for you…sign me up! Wait. A. Got. Dam. Minute. My B.U.D.D.Y. is going to be fucking other women? I won’t know how many? I can’t limit him or interview these bitches? Unless condoms are always in proper use this don’t sound so bueno. Let me sleep on it.
@NativeNotes asked me yesterday if these relationships could change from one to another over time? Yes, some of these can change without complications while others not so much.
The Changes…
Someone who you have a successful Fuck Buddy relationship with can easily become your B.U.D.D.Y. in fact this might be the smartest move. You’ve both been enjoying the sex, through the sex you both realize this person is cool and you both start wondering why not start doing things together while dressed? Upgrading a Fuck Buddy to a B.U.D.D.Y. can be a good look but the key is that both partners must want to move it to the more serious platform. Most people who have been enjoying a Fuck Buddy relationship shouldn’t trip about the lack of exclusivity because they are already happy to go about their own way without you when need be. The upgrade doesn’t always work for everyone but it is the most logical transformation of all.
A Fuck Buddy can also easily become just a friend if they were a cool person you find interesting to begin with. The Fuck Buddy to friend transformation only seems to work when one or both individuals enters a relationship making the sex no longer an option. If the sex is still an option for y’all and you become friends I am pretty sure you’re going to keep having sex and either end up where you started, in a B.U.D.D.Y. arrangement or possibly a committed relationship.
Can a B.U.D.D.Y. become a Fuck Buddy? I wouldn’t recommend trying to downgrade a B.U.D.D.Y. to a Fuck Buddy, ever. Think about it.
Hey, Bobby, I know we’ve been really close sharing everything, always been down for one another and the sex is great but I want to change our arrangement. How about we just fuck now and that is it?
That is not a good look. Even a free loving freak like Lidia-Anain would be offended and hurt by this downgrade. That’s what it is too a downgrade. If you want to change things up with your B.U.D.D.Y. I would suggest that you merge them over into the friend zone. Many open relationships end up settling into just friendships without drama or hurt when the sexual flame fizzles.
That brings us to the friends. Can a friend become a Fuck Buddy or a B.U.D.D.Y. successfully? Come back next week and I will give y’all my thoughts on that. You may or may not like what I have to say about it.
