Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of my journey. Thank you for writing to me to let me know that I am not alone in my feelings, experiences and struggles. Thank you for sharing my writing with your friends, family and lovers. Thank you!

I could never thank you enough! The only way I know to thank you is by not quitting writing here even when I am feeling like I should take time off to concentrate on other things. I really really want to take time off but when I get beautiful emails from you guys on an almost daily basis thanking me I feel like this is part of my calling.

But I have made a decision… I am taking time off from writing here.

Beginning this March and until further notice, I will only post here once a week on Wednesdays. The weekly posts will be for my plugged into pleasure series.

I also will continue to send out my newsletter, SexLoveJoy Uncensored, twice a month. Sign up for that if you aren’t on the list already if you want to get extra content that will not be posted here while I am on hiatus.

Twitter and Facebook are also great ways to keep up with me.

I could never thank you enough but I am going to try to give you all a special tangible thank you upon my return.

Sometimes it is good to slow down so that you can pick up some real speed!

Wishing you SexLoveJoy,

© Lidia-Anain February 20, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

I was the go-to friend for tips and tricks about orgasm. The first thing that I would tell my girlfriends was that they shouldn’t blame their lovers for not having orgasms because we as women were just as responsible for our orgasms as our partners. My girlfriends would usually sigh but sit and listen to all my advice about how to achieve orgasm. My favorite line was, “If you want to orgasm you need to be in charge of the fucking!” Most of my girls were embarrassed by that line but they always came back to thank me after my tricks and tips worked for them.

In my circle I was very proud to be the sexpert! Sex was my thing and I really enjoyed it to the fullest but after having my first son having orgasms during partner sex started to become an issue for me. It wasn’t a problem but there were moments that the rush of an upcoming orgasm would disappear a lot quicker than it had taken it to start. This issue would become a full blown problem by the time my last son was a few months old. I was frustrated because sex with my partner hardly ever resulted in orgasms anymore. It became tedious, mundane, repetitive and felt more like an obligation than a pleasure.

I was having orgasms, plenty of them, when I masturbated. What was wrong with me when I had sex with “him”? What was wrong with “us”?

My girlfriends all still felt so comfortable talking to me about their sex lives but I was too embarrassed to bring up my new issues to them. I was ashamed that I was failing myself during partner sex but I was more paranoid than anything about what this problem said about my relationship. I stayed silent. Not only did I not say anything to my girlfriends but I especially didn’t say anything to him about it. I didn’t fake orgasms because I knew better than that and I did not want to become a total hypocrite in my own eyes. I already felt like a huge fake coaching my friends towards more fulfilling sex lives while I suffered in silence in a marriage that now was troubled on almost all levels.

My sex life looked dreary. I would sneak time in for solo sex whenever he wasn’t home and being mommy didn’t get in the way of that. My solo sex was leading to the most brilliant powerful orgasms I had ever had in my life. Within months of starting my hidden-masturbation-sessions I was more comfortable with masturbation than ever and was completely capable of bringing myself to orgasms in many different ways. I hadn’t ever experimented with masturbation before to this extent because I had never gone without orgasms during partner sex but now it was necessary but soon masturbation became my preferred form of sex.  This was bad for my relationship. Very bad.

Partner sex was something I dreaded so much that I would tell him to hurry up and finish every single time before we started. I was now running the fuck in the most abusive manner ever!

I was helping make my situation worse and I wouldn’t even realize that things were completely unbearable until I started crying after sex a few years later. And what of all things was I crying about? I was crying about the fact that my partner had no clue on how to arouse me anymore and had little control over his orgasms most of the time?! Like I said, I helped make my situation worse by not speaking up when my orgasms went from consistent to fleeting, by not sharing the things I had learned during masturbation about my orgasm with my partner, by telling him to hurry the hell up and get off me and most of all by silencing my frustrations and pain.

When I had sex with other men I was having orgasms so I knew I wasn’t “broken” but it revealed how injured my relationship with my partner was. On many levels. So, what would I do to fix this?

That’s exactly what this new series, plugged into pleasure, is all about – connecting to pleasure, rekindling desire, creating intimacy, releasing sensuality and yes, having orgasms (solo & partner)!

It will be an instructional weekly series with tips, tricks and exercises for you to try alone and/or with your partner(s) but like always I will share my personal experiences with you. Consider it intellectualism with emotions.

Come back next Wednesday for the first installment of this series and every Wednesday after for new posts about orgasm & pleasure! 

See you Hump Day!

© Lidia-Anain February 16, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

I hope that you are loving yourself today whether you have a special partner in your life to add to that love or not. Self-love truly is the foundation for all other loves but when we are feeling blue, depressed or irritated by yet another holiday that reminds us of our loneliness, we might not want to hear shit about self-love. Well, at least I didn’t back in the day. Self-love on Valentine’s Day?!

The blues, depression and loneliness are things that I know very well; they have been a part of my life journey since before I can remember. For me *being* happy is often a daily battle, which is why I know that this daily routine becomes extremely unbearable during holidays. A holiday celebrating love towards the end of the most depressing season never really brought me any joy instead it highlighted my blues even more.

Then I learned that making a point to think positive allows me to love myself more making the trying times and silly expectations of the holidays easier to deal with.

When I am busy focusing on positive thinking loneliness is less of an issue, holidays don’t bother me as much and I am more capable of being there for my family and friends that need someone to lean on. Choosing to think positive has taught me how to love me and has opened the doors for me to also love we.

Today, I felt that the best thing I could do to show you my love and gratitude for reading and being a part of my journey was to share with you three things that help me love myself more.

Self-love starts with positive thinking…

1. Accept yourself as you are. - Right now regardless of whatever “flaws” you want to work on you have power and are blessed. Yes, that internal dialogue that keeps you focused on becoming better is helpful but it shouldn’t determine how much you love yourself today. Speak to yourself about the possibility of a better you but remind yourself even more about the advantages and strengths you already possess. This very minute you can acknowledge and apply your present gifts and power towards lessening your shortcomings. If you are in your head focusing on what you aren’t today it might become impossible to use your inherent power and aptitude to manifest a better you in the future. Don’t deprive yourself of love today because you think that the person you’ll be in the future is more deserving. Love the best of you now while working towards those goals that will make you a much better person tomorrow.
2. Feel your emotions and own them. – While I don’t think that too much internal dialogue about your shortcomings is healthy bottling up feelings is probably worse. Feeling your emotions whether negative or positive allows you to tap into the affects that triggered them. Feeling your emotions, knowing what their triggers are and learning to overcome negative ones while creating more positive ones is empowering. Since emotions are something that are truly your own, part of feeling them is understanding that they are yours and nobody made you feel any sort of way – good or bad. Blaming other people for your negative emotions or crediting them for your happiness is a great way to disempower yourself. Yes, someone’s actions could be the trigger that affects you but you are the master of the effects those triggers produce. Being the social creatures that we are sets us up so that our emotions fail us, almost from the very beginning but as we mature and understand emotions better we can begin to overcome our humanity. Learning how to control the effects of feeling emotions is something that I think we all will spend a lifetime working on but it is key to transcending our human limitations and collaborating with others so that we can create a better world.
3. See your life as a miracle. – Your life is a miracle! There are so many factors that could have contributed to you not being here today that each day that you live to fight with yourself again is a blessing. Not only is your life a miraculous blessing but you are living in a highly advantaged age. Life as you know it might seem hard when you look around feeling blue blinders set on limitations but if you really think about it, living is a lot easier than it has ever been for the human race. Take advantage of every benefit that these times offer you; stack those in your favor to manifest new miracles. Just remember that the miracles we are capable of are proportionate to our abilities – want bigger miracles amp up your capability or build relationships that are mutually beneficial. Inside of you this minute there is a miracle that will change your life and probably the lives of others as well. Liberate that miracle!

Yes, you have limitations but your life is a miracle, right this moment you can take control of your emotions, tap into your current potential and manifest an even better you if you love yourself enough to believe that you can!

I hope that your Valentine’s Day is filled with positive thoughts and tons of self-love! 

© Lidia-Anain February 14, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

the first hundred years are the hardest.

A few years before meeting *him* while heading home from an Air Force physical at the Tri-Rail station in Miami I met an elderly couple. Both of them seemed to be fragile but vibrant. They sat close to one another and they laughed as they held hands. The husband helped his weaker wife get on the train. I looked at them lovingly thinking what was their secret to a successful long marriage. Young idealist me boldly decided to ask them their secret; assuming that they had always been together and that this was their first and only marriage. My assumption that I would never make today had been right they had been together for a long time.

This is how the conversation went…

Me: You two seem so very in love still. How long have you been together?

Him: We just celebrated our 75th anniversary last year. Our children threw us a great celebration for that.

The wife smiled and they held hands even tighter.

Me: That’s amazing! What’s your secret?

Him: We don’t have one but the first hundred years are the hardest. It gets easy after that.

He looked at his wife and she smiled at him. They both laughed. It seemed like his response to me had been their inside joke for a long time. She smiled at me and I am certain that although I was smiling I had a perplexed look on my face.

Her: We are best friends that laugh a lot. That’s our secret.

I would lose and win at love, lose and win at love,  and repeat a few times over between the day I spoke with that couple and the day *he* walked into my life.

when he walked into my life… 

I had the ideal boyfriend. I was with a guy that was tall, handsome, hard working, romantic, adventurous, thoughtful, on his way towards success and the list goes on and on. The day he walked into my life I had absolutely zero interest in falling in love with anyone else because I was very busy trying to love everything that was “right” about my boyfriend.

Two things happened the day *he* walked into my life my boyfriend recognized that this new man was a threat and  the laughter began like never before.

My boyfriend was a fireman and he was on a call at a nearby dorm so he stopped by to say hi or who knows maybe he wanted some but when he got to my room there I was in my room watching *him* eat his lunch. My boyfriend asked me to come outside to speak to him.

This is how the conversation went…

Him: Is there another rooster in the hen house?

Me: What’s that mean?

Him: What are you doing with him in your room?

Me: We are on bay orderly together. He’s just some loser. You don’t have anything to worry about.

My boyfriend kissed me, told me that he would be back after work later that night and I headed back into my room and told the loser other rooster the whole entire conversation.

That first week of our friendship the new rooster and I would laugh more than we had ever before. We couldn’t get enough of being around one another. We were just friends sharing laughs. By the time I was off bay orderly a week later and he was supposed to be out of my life forever we had become addicted to spending time together. Laughing.

We would win and lose together at love, win and lose together at love, and repeat a few times over between the day the laughter started and today – over 5,000 days later.

5,000+ days of loving you…

taught me that the first hundred years are the hardest indeed

taught me that being best friends that laugh is the secret to our success

taught me that forgiveness means more than being right

taught me that building a legacy is done one day at a time

taught me that sometimes doing stupid things is smart

5,000+ days of loving you…

I can’t believe we made it this far after all the sadness

I can’t believe we made it this far after all the bitterness

I can’t believe we made it this far after all the hopelessness

I can’t believe we made it this far after all the mistakes

I can’t believe we made it this far after all the stupidity

5,000+ days of loving you…

and you’re the closest to heaven I’ll  ever be

and I all I can taste is this moment

and sooner or later it’s over

and I don’t want the world to see me

but I know that you know who I am!

And yes, I ended that there with lyrics from the Goo Goo Dolls because that was our theme song for these first 5,000+ days and because I just want you (my readers) to know some love secrets…

The first hundred years are the hardest!

Being best friends that can laugh together is vital for successful love!

And it might take you at least 5,000 days to truly know the person you love!

ps. Buggy, I’m so glad that you have withstood 5,045 days of Lidia-Anain…so far…

© Lidia-Anain February 10, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

Back when I didn’t know any better you would have often heard me complain…

i shouldn’t have to tell you…

if you really loved me…

you’d know/remember/understand!

This way of thinking had me walking down a lonely path that I knew too well; that same old path my mother had traveled down while raising me. My mother always felt alone wishing that my father would read her mind.

My mother wanted my father to…

• remember without being reminded
• guess solutions without being asked questions
• communicate without being invited to discuss

 
When I watched my mother nag, whine, complain, and rant about my father’s lack of love for her because he never knew/remembered/understood how she felt or what she needed it seemed insane to me, but (and this a big but) when it was me doing the same thing in my relationships I didn’t know better. I had learned from my mother the problem so well that even though I knew the solution I only knew how to mimic her problematic behavior.

The Problem: expecting others to read our minds!

Why did I expect my partner(s) to read my mind and figure out what I wanted, needed, hoped for or expected?

It sounds just plain silly doesn’t it? Expecting someone to “get” what we have kicking around in our heads without giving them the tools to “know” vital things that would allow them to love us better.

How would it be possible for someone to know what we have in our minds? Better yet why would we expect them to do such an impossible thing on a consistent basis?

Because they love us? Because they value us? Because they are connected to us?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

If they really loved us…

If they really valued us…

If they really were connected to us…

NO!

Proof of love, validation and a solid connection don’t come from a person being able to always anticipate our needs.

Proof of love, validation and a solid connection come from our loved ones accepting our invitations to collaborate. When we ask for what we want, need or desire we are inviting our partners to collaborate with us. When we remind our partners about things we invite them to hold space for something that is of value to us. When we explain to our loved ones they can clearly see our point of view which allows them to make informed decisions about our needs, wants, and desires. When we discuss with our partners we open our own hearts and minds as well as theirs; discussing is the best collaboration of all.

But if I have to tell my partner then it just isn’t the same because if they loved me they’d know! It just doesn’t mean as much if I have to tell them.

I once really felt that way because I was looking for that validation and proof I just talked about. I was looking for that validation and proof because I didn’t understand that my search for validation and proof of love really stemmed from my own insecurity, doubt and past hurt + watching my mother’s example.

It has taken me many years of loving the same person to realize that I really didn’t want my partner to read my mind…

• I just didn’t have the confidence to ask for what I wanted.
• I doubted that reminding my partner would actually help them remember what was important to me.
• I hurt too much to explain where within me my emotions were coming from and how my partner could help me deal with them.
• I was too busy trying to control our relationship by using faulty theories I had learned growing up to allow discussion of how things should be.

 
Once I realized these things I was able to deal with each of them one at a time. I was able to ask, remind, explain, and discuss with my partner.

And you know what happened? We began to collaborate on all things which helped us find more satisfaction in our personal lives, our relationship, in parenting our children and yes, sexually too!

Yes, I ask for what I want, need, and desire. Often. And it still means just as much when I get it!

Valentine’s Day is coming up… it is a great time of year to invite our partners to collaborate with us.

© Lidia-Anain February 7, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

Part of me wants to save you by shining the mirror that was my life towards you so you can see your reflection in me…the one I used to be.

Part of me wants to expose you to the world by revealing all the flaws that you try so very hard to hide by doing work you know you’re not ready for.

But…

I am neither savior nor demon…

I am just another woman…

living in the same murky waters you do.

Living in the same murky waters that I’ve always lived in…

which is exactly why I won’t reach out to you to help save you, knowing you’ve been wanting to push down on my shoulders to lift yourself up.

which is exactly why I won’t expose you, knowing it would be so very easy for me to push down on your shoulders to briefly push myself up.

It is IN these murky waters that I’ve learned…

that at this stage of the game all I can do is share my work to keep myself afloat.

It is IN these murky waters that I look towards…

the lives of the women that made the lifeboat…

by living their work…

by exposing their own flaws…

by looking for other women that would not push nor lift them…

but help them build.

I am looking for peers that are builders.

I am looking for the lifeboat of the elders.

It is IN these murky waters that I’ve learned…

to build while reaching upward!

© Lidia-Anain February 6, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

What an ugly word.  Unwanted.  Darkness.  Epidemic.  Misery.  Burden.  Disease.  Pain.  Sickness.  Unhappiness.  Destruction.  Poison.  Infectious.  Agony.  Heartache.  Deadly.

Cancer. I hate just saying the word.  Cancer.  My stomach churns.  Cancer.  My lower back and spine start to hurt.  Cancer.  It sends shivers down my entire body.  Cancer.  I shutter in fear.  Cancer.  And every time I speak it, I’m faced with it’s reality…

I don’t know what I would do if I lost her.  I think about it all the time.  I’ve been attempting to stay positive, at least that’s what everyone thinks.  Cheerful to those on the outside looking in towards me.  ”There she is” they think.  ”She’s got such an interesting way of looking at life.  Such a positive outlook.  Such a free spirit.  Such an open soul.”  And I smile back.

Because if I show any sign of weakness, any at all, even let this smile off my face… they will know something is wrong.  They question you.  I’m not ready to talk.  They just make me feel worse… holding back the tears forming in my eyes.  Quickly I walk away before they become to suspicious.

Sometimes I hate being so open and understanding.  It’s like people take advantage of it.  They talk and talk and talk and talk.  And I listen.  But the second I talk, suddenly I’m speaking to an audience of the deaf.  As long as I can solve their problems, then all is well in the world.  But the moment I just need someone, the earth can only be balanced as long as there is no one to listen.  So instead I hide.  Underneath my happy-go-lucky exterior.  And I act out.  And I push the people close to me away.  I try to be open about what’s going on, but I just can’t.  And they read it on my face.  And they just write me off as being a bitch.  Let them.

None of it even matters.

None of it.

I would suffer it a thousand times over as long as she didn’t have to suffer.  I would trade everything.  My money, my possessions.  I would absorb the cancer out of her spine and into mine if I could.  I would walk to the end of the earth and back again, for as long as I needed to, until my feet were raw and I couldn’t go on anymore, and still I would press on.  I would if I could.  But instead I lay in bed.  Too scared to even get up wipe my eyes for fear anyone will know what I’m doing.  It’s my business.  Not theirs.  They couldn’t even begin to understand even if they knew.

And I pray.  I pray to God.  Every moment of my existence I am dedicating my practice of life to God.  Maybe not on a conscious level, but God is always there.  Always.  The most important force in all my existence.  Love.

And lately all I can do is ask God for understanding. And praying to God that everything is going to be alright. When I first heard she had a tumor, that night I cried so hard and spoke to my creator. I said everything that was on my mind. And right at the point of complete chaos, right when I thought I couldn’t take anymore…

Suddenly.

A moment of clarity. I was filled with love. And with grace and with peace. And I knew in that moment everything would be alright.

I felt human. I felt whole, and yet incomplete. I said that sometimes I felt so overwhelmed in life, that I didn’t have all the answers, that I couldn’t even begin to understand it all being only human, and I couldn’t wait to eventually be back home again.

Finding peace, I eventually drifted off to sleep, ready to take on the next day.

The next day.

I can’t but think am I being foolish? Am I in denial? I mean, people lose their loved ones EVERYDAY!

What should make me so lucky? People starve in other countries. People starving in this country. People have no where to go at night, they freeze. And often times they go unnoticed. Mother’s lose their sons to war.  Son’s lose their mothers to disease.  A father of two, had to stay late at work, and on his way home, feeling accomplished ready to come home and tell his beautiful wife how much he loves her… struck by a drunk driver.

Loss. It’s an inevitability. It’s the constant struggle, the balance, the push and pull of the universe. The tragedy, the comedy. The beauty of life.

I need to mentally prepare myself for either outcome. Losing her is something I may have to deal with. It’s constantly on my brain. And a world without her smile, without her grace, without all the good she has to offer it… a world without my beautiful sister is just not complete.

I’m so happy to see her. So happy to be sitting in a bar, chugging pitchers of beer, stuffing our faces with disgusting pizza, both regretting eating that last slice. And we’re cheering on the 49ers. And Mark is telling me I have to shave my head with him when my sister loses her hair. She’s going to shave it all off. She doesn’t care. She’s going to rock that look. She’s so strong. Mark jokes he’ll shave my head first, then decide it’s good enough that at least one of us did it and not follow through with his half of the promise. And I’m the one with long hair.

IT’S A TIE! Good job to my Niners. They’ve tied to the game with a field goal and we go into overtime. We still got this.

“I’m going to be OK.” She says. “I can’t explain it but I really feel like everything is going to be alright.”

She’s sharing some of the same feelings I felt the other night when I prayed.

And hiding my tears… Kyle Williams fumbles the ball.

“I CAN’T TAKE THIS!!! I NEED TO GO OUTSIDE!” She’s too invested in the game. “I’m going to find a Dr. Pepper.”

It’s just me and Mark, on the edge of our seats and just like that… Game Giants.

And as we make our way through the most depressing scene of a bar full of San Francisco fans all thoroughly bummed out… I see my sister outside. Laughing. She’s laughing at a fist fight about to break out over the game’s outcome. Really? Over a ball game? Like they were the ones on that field? When people actually suffer from real problems. When my sister is here with me, well knowing she has cancer, and not even letting anything get her down. And I remembered the other night, thinking that it would be awesome if they made it to the Superbowl, however if I had to pick between my football team and my sister, I am picking my sister.

Just hearing it from her, “I really feel this is NOT going to be how I go.  It’s just the next adventure and something I have to go through.”

It’s calmed my nerves. I’m still thinking of her, and I still think of the growth of cells on her spinal chord. And I think of how tough it’s going to be. And how she’s going to come stay with me after the first chemo treatment. An excuse to eat Mitchell’s Ice Cream all day.

But in the end I reflect on all the great things in my life now.  I’m sitting here roof top looking out on my beautiful city. What a beautiful day, I’ve got a beautiful view of the bridge. And even though my guilt free excuse of nachos and beer went with the 49ers… I realize baseball season is right around the corner.  I can’t wait to take her to the ballpark when she starts feeling better.  I can almost taste the garlic fries now.  And I thank god I’m alive. And for the time I’ve had with my sister. The memories we’ve made.  And the memories that still are to come.

Hey Cancer. You apparently do not know my sister. Because you don’t stand a chance.

I know that I’ve hit a wall. A big wall that is going to take a lot of work to break through. I know exactly where the disconnect is within me and I also know what the internal and external things I need to change to make my life flow again are. *Seeing* the problems clearly doesn’t make them any better, any easier or any less painful. Sometimes in the seeing is where the most pain resides; where feelings have the most power and I don’t know what to do to make these feelings go away!

Hell yeah it hurts when you realize what the fuck is wrong with yourself or the life you’ve created!

I think that so many people stay unhappy or don’t move on because just the pain of seeing the problem becomes so big that the realization alone overwhelms them. What you see seems bigger than anything else so taking all the tiny actions you as a person need to fix things just is too much. Where do you start attacking the problem?

That’s exactly where I am right now…

I am feeling like a tiny person under some huge problems/tasks/responsibilities.

Feeling pressed down by it all…

The bad and even the good seem to keep me hurting.

The bad and the good keeping me from moving forward.

Feelings have me spinning.

Sadness has me frozen.

Anger has me raging silently.

Emptiness is all that I feel at the end of the day…

Crying into my pillow once again.

And I see it all clearly.

If I could only verbalize it.

Make the problems real by giving them a voice.

Better than I was before but to move forward…

I have to to set myself on fire once again

so that I can burn through this wall.

And I can’t lie I don’t know how to set ashes on fire…

Feels like that’s all that’s left from the last burn!

And this is me once again trying to beat the monkey of depression off my back as I try to transcend once again just enough so that I can find a happy place…

and that’s when I realized that…

Self-love sometimes requires cutting off people that you like so that you can love and take care of yourself!

Note to self: LEARN TO SAY NO!

© Lidia-Anain February 3, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

There’s nothing gross or graphic about this poster; it is a beautiful collage of vulvas. My oldest son, he was eleven at the time, commented on it being a cool looking kaleidoscope as his dad cringed knowing what made up the beautiful collage. As time passed and my oldest kept examining the poster he said that parts of it looked like organs to him. He specifically asked me, “Mom are those people’s insides in the poster?”

I was honest and told him that the poster was a collage made from photographs of different women’s vulvas. I asked him if he remembered what part of a woman’s anatomy that was; his answer sort of. That was a perfect opportunity for us to have another conversation about sex, sexuality and anatomy. I popped open some of the sexuality resources that I have that were age appropriate and we had a great talk. My son asked questions again, shared his concerns about his developing body and told me that he wasn’t too sure if he was going to like going through puberty.

A poster of vulvas opened up dialogue about sexuality between my son and I which helped me address some of his fears about puberty. Win! That same conversation also helped my son realize a fact about vulvas that many adults (both male and female) either don’t know or want to accept.  By looking at the poster more my son came to the conclusion that all the vulvas looked so different and he said…

Mom, they all look totally different like human faces…no two are the same.

The poster stayed up, days after my conversation with my oldest my youngest started asking questions about it. My youngest only had heard the part of the conversation where I verified to my oldest that the photos in the poster were in fact parts of the female anatomy called vulvas. That made him curious and when he would ask his oldest brother what mom talked to him about his brother would answer ask mom some stuff isn’t appropriate for you yet so ask her. So my little one did start asking questions about the poster; all of which I answered in an age appropriate way. That’s the kind of parenting relationship I have with my sons – they respect my authority yet feel they can still come to me.

My sons have a very different relationship with their dad. They love him dearly and practically worship the ground he walks on but none of them really have deep meaningful conversations with him. I am the person they come to with their emotions, concerns and hopes even though I encourage them to share in the same way with dad. The reality is that dad didn’t have any type of dialogue with his parents so although he agrees with the way I parent and wishes he had had a mother like me, he’s still learning how to be open with his sons and working hard to not teach them the misogynistic, homophobic and intolerant bullshit he picked up as a kid. So, when one day my youngest started singing…

Vulvas, vulvas, vulvas / Pretty kaleidoscope of ladies’ vulvas /Pretty pretty vulvas!

I erupted in joyful laughter but knew Dad wasn’t feeling the song like I was. I thought to myself fuck yeah my sons won’t grow up to be that dude that makes his woman feel bad about how her privates look! My boys learned early on that vulvas are all different and that they are beautiful!

Their dad felt that our son singing that song was proof that the poster was too much. He felt that the poster had sparked god knows what in his head. I reminded him that our youngest was also the one that turned XM’s ’80s station jingle “’80′s on 8″ into “Ladies on Davin” when he was five without anyone prompting him.

I promised him that eventually the newness of the poster would wear off. Dad continued to gripe about my poster. He has his moments in which the closed off repressed man he used to be overcomes the sex-positive man he wants to be. Almost daily he would ask me to take the poster down. He started making it an us against me thing.

You need to take your poster down. I don’t think it is appropriate on the side of our fridge. You‘re going to scar our kids with that thing!

I asked him where I should put my poster. Where would be an appropriate place for my vulvas? The subject would be dropped for a few days and repeat. Until, several days ago when I walked into my office and noticed that my vulva poster was on my desk. Furious I asked him why he took it down. His answer was that it wasn’t an appropriate poster for the side of our fridge. I tried my best to contain my anger but I argued with him about how we constantly discussed how I thought that a lot of the violence in movies, video games and television he exposed our children to was more inappropriate!

I told him that instead of the side of the fridge I should put the poster next to television in the living room so that it could offset the violence that was on the T.V. sometimes. He laughed and said…

Lidia this isn’t vulvas vs. violence!

But it was! Yes, there was a vulva war in my house and in part two of this post you’ll get to read all about it.

© Lidia-Anain February 2, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.

About an hour past curfew the knock at the door startled her. She didn’t know who it could be because nobody was supposed to be out of their rooms. She cautiously opened it and saw him standing there shirtless in his boxers with nothing else on but a smile. She definitely felt overdressed still wearing her uniform and combat boots.

“I’m alone tonight.”

She thought about what he had said as she stared into his chiseled chest letting her eyes travel down to his perfect abs further down to his boxers and what was leaning to the left in them.

“Lemme grab my keys and clothes for tomorrow just in case.”

He laughed and responded, “In case we oversleep while studying like last time.”

When she walked into his room he was sitting at his desk studying with his back to her. She placed her bag on his bed; he realized she was there. Without looking back at her he asked her if she would quiz him on some terms instead of helping him with his paper.

“After.”

“So the paper first?” he asked.

“No.”

He slowly turned around in his desk chair confused about what she meant by after to find her standing a few feet from him wearing only her highest heels.

“Yeah,” he said, “after!”

He started to stand up but she forced him back into his chair. She kissed his forehead then started placing kisses all over his firm chest. Her kisses got firmer the closer to his nipples she got. She licked the left one as she stroked his right one with her hand. She bit the one in her mouth and pinched the other. He moaned with joy. She switched sides but the second time around she was rougher with his nipples. His moaning got louder as his dick got harder in his cotton boxers.

He placed his hands on her hips, pulled her in and had her straddle his lap. She stroked his cock through his boxers and it kept rising more as they kissed. He grabbed her ass with both hands as she started to grind on him. He felt her wetness through those boxers that seemed to have his dick imprisoned. She read his mind and reached through the opening in them and tried to pull it out. The rush he was sending through her body by rubbing on her clit was only making her attempt to pull out his cock become even more of a struggle.

He effortlessly lifted her in the air and without placing her down he stood up and carried her over to the bed. He sat her in the bed took a few steps back and stepped out of his boxers. She suddenly realized that his cock was thicker and longer than her hands had helped her picture. His left hand traveled straight to stroke his dick as his right hand rummaged through the desk drawer. Without missing one stroke he pulled out a condom. She reached her hand out.

“Lemme put it on for you.”

He went over to the bed handed her the condom which she wasted no time to put on him. With her sitting on the edge of the beds legs open for him he pulled up close to penetrate her. She let out a huge moan as the head of his big dick went in. She screamed as he reached deep into her with the rest.

“Shh! You’ll wake up everybody.”

She tried to contain her moans and screams so they wouldn’t be caught by covering her own mouth. Underneath him after each of his thrusts she wiggled trying to flee his cock. He put his hands underneath her ass and stood up with her still attached to him turned towards the closest wall. That’s where he was going to finish her off before they could be caught. Hands full of her butt cheeks cock partially in her he walked her over to the wall. Her back flushed against the wall he started fucking her harder, deeper, faster as he kissed her so that her screams and moans would go down into him.

Her legs started to quiver then shake as she tried her best to keep them locked around his waist. Her upper body went limp in his arms. He looked down at her then noticed her entire chest and face were blushing. She had gotten hers so it was his turn to finish. He carried her back over to the bed. Asked her to bend over the bed for him. The sight of her very wet satisfied pussy in front of him almost made him come before he could put it back in her. He grabbed her at the waist gently slid into her and lost control. He stepped back away from her, the room seemed to be spinning and all he could focus on were her heels.

He laughed when he realized that she had had her highest heels on the entire time.

© Lidia-Anain February 1, 2012 ~ All Rights Reserved.