We humans, especially us lucky ladies, are the most sexual beings on this planet. The Celestial Planning Committee did not limit our sex lives to just reproduction. We can interpret messages, stimulus and experiences to build erotic experiences. As sensual and sexual creatures everything and everyone we connect with, our entire human drama, makes up our erotic landscape.
Unfortunately in today’s world of constant connection many of us have lost the ability to connect with eros. While I won’t deny that many of us are enjoying the sexual, we often focus too much on orgasm forgetting to embrace the erotic. How can you even obsess about coming if you haven’t connected with what arouses you?
Connecting with eros so that we can have a better understanding of what arouses each of us is what my new series of posts “Arousing Actions” is all about!
Today, I am focusing on…
…Arousing Language!
What’s better than bacon? Masturbation! Yes, yummy! Masturbation is a delicious activity but self-love is about more than just jacking or jilling. Embracing our sexual selves starts with our thoughts and thoughts are fueled by language. What is the language that you use when your inner erotic monologue begins?
Listen to how you talk to yourself
Listen to how you talk to yourself about all-things-you! In Talmud, Anais Nin said it best, “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” If we are constantly criticizing ourselves then life will bring us very little pleasure. We can’t build an arsenal for arousal if we are always battling ourselves for a few sweet words.
I’ve chosen to look at myself with new eyes that focus on my attributes instead of my shortcomings. Yes, it is healthy for me to focus on how much I love my sexy abdomen while I work on accepting the few extra pounds that have decided to call my thighs home before I evict them. What is beautiful and sensual about you? Embrace the things that you find sexy about yourself and remind yourself about them often!
Take time to think arousing thoughts
Allow your mind to roam freely through your fantasies, no matter what they are without editing them. Boldly and passionately speak to yourself without criticizing or analyzing your erotic thoughts. Yes, we all have an inner critic that loves to censor our erotic thoughts. I find that sometimes asking my inner critic questions about why something I am fantasizing about is “dirty”, “wrong”, “too timid” or “boring” helps me. Usually, she shuts up when I question her.
I am allowed to have sexual thoughts that range from mild to unadulterated debauchery because they are just thoughts! I am not going to act on all of them but all of the thoughts I have are definitely normal for me. Your erotic thoughts are yours, they are normal and you should embrace them all. Yes, even that one and that other one too!
It won't tell my secrets!
Keep an erotic journal
Thinking too often isn’t enough to get us doing, that’s why keeping an honest and open journal filled with your erotic thoughts will help you capture and solidify your visions. I know that seeing some of our fantasies in black-and-white might seem like a bit much at first but it really helps you define what is just fantasy and what you want to act on. Personally, I have two erotic journals one in which I free-write in and another (pictured above) that provides sexy prompts to get my imagination and memory flowing.
Writing down your “dirty” thoughts truly is the first step in figuring out which fantasies are meant to stay in your head/journal and which ones you should make come true. We all have sex fantasies that we will never actually act on because they either are truly impossible or beyond what we find “tolerable”. Writing down the thoughts that arouse us helps us figure out the themes behind our arousal. Each fantasy is a sensual clue or an arousal key that will help us unlock orgasms.
Go ahead pick up a pen and some paper let your mind flow freely for five to ten minutes, at least once a week, without censoring what you write down. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, honest and bold by putting it all down on paper. If you are stuck on what to write then I highly recommend getting Susie Bright’s Love AND Lust sex journal to help you begin writing your erotic thoughts and memories down. Whether you free write or use a sex journal with prompts isn’t important, what matters is that you start writing your fantasies down so that you can create an erotic map!
“All serious daring starts from within.” - Harriet Beecher Stowe
I dare you to arouse yourself with language!
