I wrote a post on my site called the Good Girl vs. Bad Girl conundrum about the difficulty some men face, self-included, when differentiating between good girls and bad girls. We claim we want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets but when one woman embodies both of these qualities? Deuces. Fellas, what up wit that?
To make matters worse, men tend to pursue the lady and the freak separately, often looking for two women to play these respective roles instead of one. This flawed logic results in men who cheat or are unsatisfied with their so-called relationships, neither of which being an ideal outcome.
Many of the comments I received from women stated that men should simply accept that one woman could be both. In other words, get over it. One woman explained it with a little less tact:
I want a man to treat me like a princess and a whore.
This is as straight forward a request as any man could hope for, right? We always tell women to clearly explain to us what they want, minus the woman speak, so when they finally do, why is it so difficult for us to oblige?
I believe it’s because men’s thinking is compartmental in nature. We view life as more black and white than our female counterparts do. There are Good Girls and Bad Girls; Freaks and Wives; and less we forget, Princesses and Whores.
Notice there is no equal signs in these comparisons. If a man sees you as a bad girl, then that’s that. If he sees you as a good girl, then that’s that too. It is difficult, in some instances impossible, to transition effortlessly between the two because they are wholly independent and contradictory characters in our minds, not simply the differing traits of one multifaceted person.
Since I am not a woman, I can only assume these mental conversions aren’t as difficult. This is definitely the assertion made by them or perhaps women expect more of men than men expect of women. After all, there is that timeless and oft repeated quote: “Men marry women hoping they’ll never change and women marry men hoping they will.”
Speaking of marriage, I remember watching a movie called Summer of Sam and the man was constantly cheating on his wife with a freaky ex-girlfriend. His wife found out and she attempted to perform those same sexual acts on him but do you know what he did? He stopped her and said “wives aren’t supposed to do that.” This was a brief two-minute scene but it was the personification of the conflict playing out in some men’s heads. Call it immaturity or call it reality, hell call it what you want, because it happens.
It’s difficult for a man to treat a woman he respects, “like a whore,” even if whore-ish acts turn him on. It is easier to treat a whore like a whore and a woman like a woman because that is his natural expectation of their respective roles. There is no need to reconcile the differences. He is only acting out what he already perceives to be factual. A man will not treat you contrary to the perception he already has of you in his mind. In my opinion, this argument can be expanded to cover fucking vs. making love, girlfriend v. wife and many other related debates. Further, it explains how men can easily fuck woman upon woman upon woman without so much as the slightest emotional attachment but then turn around and have a mental breakdown when asked to “fuck” a woman he loves.
The fallout becomes the bad girls go after the good guys in order to break the cycle of emotionless sex only to remain unsatisfied because while they can make love to her, they don’t fuck her right. The good girls go after the assholes to get fucked but while they can fuck her, they are incapable of making love to her. In the end, everyone ends up running around pursuing everyone else, plenty of sex is had, and yet everyone still ends up disappointed. The irony of irony can be so cruelly ironic can’t it?
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Naked Candor is an uncensored series of bold but delicate stories that reveal complicated personal truths about life, love and sex; told by those brave enough to bare!
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