To fall in complete love with you I’m going to need you to keep your past and my past out of our future.
I want to enjoy now with you while making the right choices so that we can have a tomorrow to share. Do we have to talk about all the pain, the failures and reveal all the benign skeletons in our closets for this moment to be meaningful? Yes, the past helped us become the people we are today but must we really share every little last detail of what happened to us in the past to build tomorrow? How much of what came before is vital to us now as we build our love’s foundation? What should we leave out of the mix as we prepare this concrete? These are the questions that run through my mind as I ponder the structures I built with those I have loved and love on foundations of absolute honesty. These are the questions that run through my mind as I ponder how I will create a new home for love to prosper in the future.
Often I wish / That I never knew / Some of those secrets of yours…
I have lived and loved enough to know that having no secrets between lovers might make you wish that you never knew some of those secrets. I am not talking about “bad” secrets like the things that could hurt you as in learning that you fell in love with a liar, thief, abuser, child molester or murderer. I am talking about them sharing with you every iota about how they hate/love x,y and z about person a, b, or c. I am talking about your love telling you about all the places they visited together and all that they did there. Those are the sorts of things that I don’t need to know in order to build a solid foundation with a new love. I also don’t need to know every last little detail good or bad that lead to their last relationship ending. I don’t care to know how many lovers they’ve had or about all the sexual things they’ve enjoyed. Like I said I have lived and loved enough to know this now but when I was younger I asked a lot of questions that would have been better left off as floating question marks in my head.
…In the name of honesty in the name of what is fair / You always answer my questions / But they don’t always answer my prayers
We humans are curious creatures but satisfying our curiosity isn’t always a fulfilling practice. Too often lovers tell too much about their past souring their future before building a strong foundation of memories and secrets they’ve created together. Have you ever wished you hadn’t asked your lover a particular question? Have you ever wished you didn’t know something about your lover’s past? Yeah, me too! I can’t tell you what you shouldn’t ask or what you shouldn’t tell that person you are starting to fall for. What I can tell you are the things that I think are more important for me to know about my lover than their secrets.
These are the things I want to know about someone I would build a future with and they also happen to be the things I want them to know about me:
- Are you reliable? I want to know if I can count on you. Will your actions be the reflections of your promises? It doesn’t matter to me how many people you’ve had sex with if I can count on you to do as you say you will.
- Are you honest? I want to know if you will be honest with me about the things that happen from this day on. Will you tell me everything I need to know to be able to make informed decisions about our future? I really don’t give two shits about that awesome vacation you had with x in the Bahamas because your honesty will allow us to build much better memories of our own.
- Are you willing to compromise? I want to know if you will be willing to compromise with me as life changes the circumstances for us. Will you be willing to give as much as you take so that we both can remain happy in this relationship? If you are willing to compromise with me then it doesn’t really matter to me that your last thought you were impossible to communicate with.
- Are you a good listener? I want you to listen to me as much as I listen to you. I want you to not only listen but I want you to hear me. Will you hear me when I speak and remember what we spoke of? If we are to build a solid foundation then we have to listen and remember all the steps we take together along the way. Yes, that matters more than that secret you didn’t share about the past.
- Are you mature enough to be open about your sexual preferences and will you go the distance to satisfy mine? Hey, it isn’t a secret that sex is as important to me as romance, understanding and all the other forms of loving. I am not willing to be with a person that isn’t mature enough to be open and willing to put in the work that it will take to satisfy us both. Are you willing to be there for me sexually just like you are emotionally? Well then let’s go…I’m ready and I don’t care about all the shit that came before you and I were we!
There’s something about the past that we have to remember before we bring it too far into the now and let it seep into tomorrow…we are past it…we are still standing and we definitely aren’t who we once were. So. Let’s leave your past and my past right where they are and let’s get into building our love now…our future depends on it!
