It is funny to me how sometimes conversations with two separate people can parallel one another. Spent part of yesterday talking to an acquaintance (I’ll call him this until we meet in person but I think he is a good friend) about whether men and women can have such a thing as a fuck buddy without it becoming ugly at one point. We debated the points of when it goes wrong and what works. Then I hit up Just A Paragraph to let him know I had written a Erotic Story about him. We got on the subject of what he said to me a couple of months back. I said I still considered it bullshit and he said it wasn’t that it was the truth and how he felt. I told him sure enough but it sounded like a noncommittal line from a Musiq Soulchild song. Then Just A Paragraph hits me back with B.U.D.D.Y. Yes, he literally typed that to me. I laughed and responded, Yes, and that is about it. The conversation changed to grammar then ended shortly thereafter.
I woke up this morning pondering the concept of the Fuck Buddy. Here’s the thing, a lot of men and women try to embark down this road and usually it ends in chaos and turmoil. So, how do some people make this work while others fail miserably? It is all about definitions and sticking to them. Fuck Buddy, B.U.D.D.Y. and friend that becomes a lover are all very different things, at least to me. I have managed to successfully make all three of these things work at different times in my life by sticking to my definitions.
Fuck Buddy n. a person with whom one becomes acquainted with for the sole purpose of satisfying carnal desires
Note: if you don’t know the textbook definitions of ALL the words I’ve used to define Fuck Buddy then you really can’t even begin to understand my definition of what one is.
In my adult life I have had one man that I considered nothing more than a Fuck Buddy. He was gorgeous, fit, hung, down to fuck and good at it. I had nothing more than a physical attraction to him. Everything that he was physically exuded sex to me and that was ALL I wanted from him. I had noticed him at a time in my life when I had no interest in having a relationship with anyone because I wanted to do me. I didn’t want to be without sex though so, I decided that his fine ass would be the one to fill this void in my life and I would set the rules for him. From the beginning I told him that there would be no sleepovers. He respected it. Our Fuck Buddy relationship was simple he’d come over when I’d ask or hit me up when he wanted, we’d sex and he’d be out. We got to know one another very well sexually and even emotionally during these months but it never got complicated. Our time together talking and fucking helped me figure out what I wanted from a man. I started to date again, for many months he was the only man I was having sex with while I was being courted by several other prospects.
Why didn’t it get complicated? Because our only contact with one another would be during our sex sessions. Yes, he spent a lot of time with me, some weeks it was every night, but we were always naked. We didn’t hang out, chill or do anything clothed. It was a private thing – just me and him in my bedroom. The sharing feelings and talking was part of our naked journey that would be cut off once he walked out the door. Nobody knew we were fucking. Nobody. When we saw each other out socially we would barely speak as if we didn’t know one another very well. The best part of our relationship was that having him for sex allowed me to date men and really get to know them well without letting desire or sex skew my perceptions of them. I eventually entered into a relationship with one of those men and cut off Fuck Buddy. I walked away thankful and grateful for all the safe sex, the talks and a relationship that served a purpose for both of us. It’s so delicious when nobody gets hurt.
Keeping things to strictly times of bonding and passion in the bedroom worked for me…our relationship fit MY definition of Fuck Buddy. We were acquainted for nothing more than the purpose of satisfying our carnal desires.
Please check my definition of B.U.D.D.Y. here.
