A woman I know has a foolproof plan for getting rid of unwanted suitors: she f*cks them. When she goes on a first date, the instant at which she realizes she never wants to see this guy again is immediately followed by the instant in which she decides she’s dropping panties immediately. She has a bit of a reputation now, but what she doesn’t have is pests blowing up her phone or stalking her.
The reason my friend’s plan works so well is that almost every man will get bored with the woman who readily gives up sex. It’s not always instantaneous, but sooner than later his eye will be caught by someone else, and when that someone else makes him work for the pums, he’ll forget all about the p*ssy he got and focus on the p*ssy he’s not getting. Ain’t no p*ssy like new p*ssy, isn’t that how the saying goes?
So to safeguard against the phenomenon of a man we’re interested in losing interest in us, we women have to hoard our vaginas. And you can’t really even blame us from doing it. Pretty much from birth women have been inundated with the idea that a man won’t respect us if we give up the nani too easily. It’s drilled into us by our mothers and by the horror stories we’ve all heard about girls waiting until the right time and then being dumped the morning after. Yes, this still happens. And although the sexual revolution, Samantha Jones, and blogs such as this one have done their part to spread the message that there’s nothing wrong with a woman expressing her sexual desires, deep down what we all fear in life is that sickening realization that the man we’ve been dating was really only in it for the bums.
And yes, we know that if you’re only in it for the bum you’re gonna bounce whether it comes three minutes or three months in. We know this. But still we have to do what we have to do to safeguard our emotions. That’s just the way life goes.
But we gals have our needs and making every dude wait three months is bad for business. Which is why we thank God every day for the invention of throwaway dudes. We don’t call them that of course, but that’s what they are. Men who serve a purpose but not the purpose, so we don’t have to be all that careful with them. We can wear glasses on dates with him. We’ll pick up his calls on the first ring. And we’ll give up the pums the first time he asks because if it turns out that’s all he wanted and he never comes around again, it’s okay. We didn’t really like him anyway.
However, if we like you, we have to make you wait. We just do. By your own admission men are hunters. You value that which you have to work for. And while you might not brand a girl a hoe for slobbing your knob on the first date you will be something less than consumed with desire after that. And a man who is less than consumed is an unruly man, until he becomes an absent man, that is.
The other part of the equation is simply that if we like you we want the sex to mean something. We want to take all our feelings and express them through our vaginas. We want – forgive me – it to be special. And come on, even you guys have to admit that sex is more special if you build up some anticipation around it, right?
But Max, you say, how is it fair that while you’re stringing us along making us wait for the goods you’re dashing them out freely to some simp you don’t even like? Why are they getting the good stuff and we have to take the scraps? Because, my little grasshopper, in our minds the simp is getting the scraps and you’re getting the good stuff – the p*ssy plus package, if you will. While the throwaway dude is getting cutty, you’re getting to hear our thoughts. Yeah I’m swallowing his kids but I’m telling you what I dream of naming mine some day. He’s blowing my back out but you’re the one I really care about – and in our minds that trumps sex every time. Plus we do intend to sleep with you eventually so in the end you’re coming out the winner.
At the end of the day, this is girl logic in the extreme. So I’m not even going to attempt to get you men to co-sign the behaviour. But just accept the fact that when a girl makes you wait for sex it’s a compliment. It’s a testament of what she wants to show you about herself, what she wants you to think of her.
It basically comes down to this: if you’re not the right guy and I know it, I have no expectations of you and I’m not trying to impress you. I want nothing from you but a good time so there’s no filter on my words or actions and you can get the scoop the first night. But if you’re the right guy and I want everything from you, it’s going to take some time. If I like you, I want the sex to be meaningful and for the act of sex to signify us reaching a certain point in our relationship. Sex becomes the gateway from nothing to something. If I don’t like you, the sex just stays nothing.
But in the immortal words of Janet Jackson – I promise. It will be worth the wait.
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Naked Candor is an uncensored series of bold but delicate stories that reveal complicated personal truths about life, love and sex; told by those brave enough to bare!
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