posts tagged ‘Isabel Grace’

  1. shit filled septembers

    September 23, 2011 by Lidia-Anain

    In early May I began wading in a shit filled abyss. My body went limp. My voice grew weak. I couldn’t express all the emotions that had overcome me. All the trauma that surfaced with one visit to Florida. I was supposed to be there for six weeks but only lasted three. I physically fled from that place and those emotions but my voice it had left me and my mind remained in that abyss now all the way in it; swimming desperately trying to escape. It wasn’t until Sezin reached out with an unexpected post that lifted me up above the  rip current of worthlessness and despair that I had been swimming against. After the silence I was able to post things that I thought I would never be able to share with anyone. I wrote things down that I hadn’t told some of my best friends. I was heard by so many and felt better for sharing one of my darkest moments. (more…)

    Filed Under: diary, introspection | Tagged: , ,

  2. quinceañera

    September 7, 2011 by Lidia-Anain

    If things had been different…

    …Tomorrow, you’d be celebrating your Quince while everyone wished you a very happy birthday.

    My reality is…

    …Memories of what could have been while I wonder if I should even consider September 8th your birthday.

    If things had been different… (more…)

    Filed Under: diary, motherhood, prose & fiction | Tagged: , , ,

  3. his truth is similar to mine

    July 25, 2011 by Lidia-Anain

    Light is beginning to fill my house this morning. From my bedroom I can see it creeping up the stairs coming for me but yesterday began with little light. I am not that woman that likes to look into the past too often. This year my motto has been Pa’lante which literally translates to forward. I have been working towards becoming a better woman so that I can finally sit happily in my skin and just be. So, when last week a very important man from my past wrote me again on Facebook I hesitated writing him back. I sat for a minute trying to decide if responding could lead to pain the answer was yes but then I remembered a prayer I had made a year ago. (more…)

    Filed Under: diary, introspection, motherhood | Tagged: , , , , , , ,

  4. missing isabel grace

    September 2, 2009 by Lidia-Anain

    I was going through birthday party decorations. So, happy thinking about how many smiles will be put on the faces of my two youngest sons on their upcoming birthdays. DIII on September 3rd and DII on September 10th. Then I got to thinking what should I get my lil brother for his birthday September 8th and that’s when I began to lose it.

    The day that always meant so much to me because it’s the day when God gave me the gift of a lil brother to accompany me. That day forever “tainted” with the birth and death of my ONLY daughter. I started to think maybe this year, maybe this year I will be “strong” enough to release her ashes. Then the tears just came. That sense of loss. That question again…why did she have to be taken away? (more…)

    Filed Under: diary, motherhood | Tagged: , , , , , ,