posts tagged ‘sexuality’

  1. vulvas vs. violence – episode one

    February 2, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    In November I went to Joani Blank’s Femalia book signing and picked up the poster you see below. Joani in passing suggested that it should be placed somewhere public. I can’t remember for certain if she said something about wishing people would have them on their fridges but that’s where I put mine when I got home; the side of my fridge.

    There’s nothing gross or graphic about this poster; it is a beautiful collage of vulvas. My oldest son, he was eleven at the time, commented on it being a cool looking kaleidoscope as his dad cringed knowing what made up the beautiful collage. As time passed and my oldest kept examining the poster he said that parts of it looked like organs to him. He specifically asked me, “Mom are those people’s insides in the poster?”
    (more…)

    Filed Under: motherhood, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

  2. a woman that loves fucking on making love

    January 31, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    As the first month of January 2012 comes to a close I am contemplating how I have become a fan of “making love” but still very much a “fucking” enthusiast.

    I used to think that there really was no such thing as “making love”. I was convinced that everyone only fucked but that there were times when the fucking was memorable for a delicate sort of passion that could only be described by those that had been lucky enough to connect heart, body and mind in the moment which people tended to label as “making love”. Not me though I didn’t really ever do that thing they referred to as love making. Well maybe once in a great while I would find myself caught up in doing that but not because my partner or I had set out to do so. In fact, I detested when a lover would declare that they were going to make love to me.
    (more…)

    Filed Under: love & relationships, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , ,

  3. sex workers series – definition of sex workers

    January 25, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    Last night, I was telling my mother more about the training course that I am starting and she asked me if I was sure it was a good idea to become a professional sex worker. Her question didn’t catch me off guard because I knew she had a negative opinion about the training I’ve decided to begin. For the last six months, I’ve known that where I want to go with my career isn’t exactly the destination that many people in my family had in mind.

    Where I am going is exactly the place that my life experiences, passions and talents are leading me in an effortless manner that brings me peace and joy. Not having “everyone’s” support yet is perfectly fine because I am sure that *this* is it. I know that in the end my mother will come around but to help her get there sooner I know that I have to help educate her on what exactly sex work is. As I thought about all her questions, all the nuances of sex work, the legalities and the fact that these would become questions I’ll have to answer for years to come I decided that it was the perfect time to start a new series of posts about sex workers.
    (more…)

    Filed Under: sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , ,

  4. g-spot or not, i have vaginal orgasms

    January 19, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    There is no such thing as a g-spot, that’s what the scientists have concluded after sixty years of research, using surveys, imaging scans and biopsies of women but they won’t definitively say that a g-spot can’t ever be discovered by future scientists. There is no such thing as a g-spot but in some women that have vaginal orgasms they found that the tissue in the area where the g-spot was thought to be is thicker as opposed to the women that aren’t vaginally orgasmic. Knowing everything that I do about the wonderful always giving clitoris I don’t doubt that what the scientists are now surmising is correct…
    (more…)

    Filed Under: orgasm & pleasure, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , , ,

  5. starving for sex

    January 17, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    I make cooking a special occasion as often as I can. I put my mind, heart, body and soul into making meals for my family. I wake up early on Saturday mornings to pick the freshest organic produce at the Farmer’s Market. I make almost daily trips to my local butcher to make sure the meats I cook are the best cuts available. I plan big lavish meals days in advance, making sure that I have all the ingredients I need. Then on the day of that meal, I allow enough time in my day to enjoy even the most mundane prep work. I am known for cooking in stilettos as if I were out on the town even when I’m just cooking up a quick lunch.

    Cooking is a sensual art for me that I take very seriously. I do my best cooking when I create the time and space for great meals to slowly come together step by step or when I instantly answer my palate’s desire for a particular flavor and allow it to take me on an impromptu food journey. As long as I am relaxed, prepared and in the moment I can pour my mind, heart, body and soul into making flavorful meals.

    (more…)

    Filed Under: love & relationships, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , , , ,

  6. honest about my sex number

    January 10, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    That question which I loathe deeply from head to toe. You know. That one. The one that truly shouldn’t be asked. The one that is for me to know. Only.

    How many sexual partners have you had?

    If you are asking me how many men have penetrated me with their penis then I know exactly how many there have been. It is a number less than my age but pretty damn close to it. I am not ashamed of the number. I won’t publish it publicly. I won’t tell my potential sex partners either. Why? Because it is such a dumb question to ask because really the question how many sexual partners have you had is a vague inquiry.

    What counts as a sexual experience?

    Should we count only the people which we’ve had sex with that included penetration? Do we count people that we’ve only had oral sex with? What if you were the one on the receiving end of the oral sex, does that count too or does only giving count? What about serious naked make out sessions that involve bumping and grinding? Do those count? Does phone sex count? What about webcam sex? What if you didn’t orgasm? What if there was no penetration but you did orgasm?
    (more…)

    Filed Under: love & relationships, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , , ,

  7. lessons learned from great sex books

    January 3, 2012 by Lidia-Anain

    Before I start consuming new books in 2012, I wanted to make sure that I shared with you three very important lessons that I learned from three great books I read in 2011.

    Lesson #1: It is never too late to get what you really really want from sex or life!

    Learned it while reading: What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety by Jaclyn Friedman

    That subtitle perfectly describes exactly what this book is all about. Had this book been in my hands in 1994, the year in which I began to define my sexuality and what I wanted from sex, I am sure that it would not have taken me eighteen years of trial and error to get to the confident pleasurable place where I am now! (more…)

    Filed Under: orgasm & pleasure, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,

  8. comfort in sexual self-exploration

    November 21, 2011 by Lidia-Anain

    Push. Push. Push your limits. That’s what many that are writing about sexuality these days are saying. Transcend your sexual limitations! Really? What if you yet aren’t even comfortable with your sexuality. Shouldn’t the first goal of sexual self-exploration be figuring out how to navigate our sexuality? Shouldn’t we figure out our limits, our levels of comfort and define some goals before we do anything else? I am all for transcending limits but it is time we focus on our sexual truths before we get fancy with sexual exploring.

    Me as a case study.

    I absolutely made peace with my body. I often feel more comfortable naked than I do dressed. In certain outfits I might feel self-conscious in a room full of people. Naked in the center of a sex party that’s my environment! Just because I feel comfortable naked in a room full of people doesn’t mean that as someone that writes about sex I should stress to my readers that they should push their limits until they too feel comfortable socializing among other naked people at an orgy.
    (more…)

    Filed Under: love & relationships, orgasm & pleasure, sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , ,

  9. just sexual

    November 17, 2011 by Lidia-Anain

    *Warning this post is stream of consciousness and it has not been edited.

    For over a year, I have been struggling with writing a post about my sexuality. Not that I am uncomfortable talking about what I do sexually. We know I am very comfortable with that, but I am extremely uncomfortable with labeling my sexuality! I am almost insecure about doing that. What if I don’t want to define myself with a label? What if none of the labels really seem to define what I am?

    I know that I am not heterosexual – at least not all the time. I know that I am not bisexual – at least not all the time. Does that make me heteroflexible? I don’t like that label either. Too new age for me. Too flexible. Am I fluid? Yes. Is that a label? I don’t know. I am just sexual. I am capable of loving all sorts of people with all sorts of labels. I am not against having consensual sex with anyone that I am really attracted to that I find arousing – regardless of their label.

    I am just sexual. I am very sexual. I am also pretty damn choosy. I just am not the person that fits into a label. Fuck those that want to label my sexuality! I guess my real problem is with gender because to define my sexuality I’d have to define the gender of those I am having sex with. What if my partner doesn’t want to define their gender?

    (more…)

    Filed Under: sex & sexuality | Tagged: , , , , , , ,

  10. A UNIFIED THEORY OF ORGASM by Clarisse Thorn

    October 20, 2011 by ClarisseThorn

    This is a guest post by Clarisse Thorn. It was originally published at the girl-power site Off Our Chests.

    * * *
    I CAN’T COME.

    and it’s poisoned

    every romance

    I’ve ever had.

    masturbating doesn’t work. I don’t know why. I tried therapy too, but my smart, understanding, sex-positive, open-hearted doctor couldn’t help. drugs while fucking? check. I date attentive men who only want to make me happy, but no matter how fantastic they make me feel, I can’t get off. and believe me, I like sex. I love sex! how can it feel so good and not end in an orgasm? I tried experimenting, and I sure do love the kink. it feels great. but doesn’t get me off. I’ve tried everything. everything.

    now I have the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. but just like every other one, he can’t get me off. big dick? oral sex? tons of foreplay? kink? it’s all there. nothing works. I used to lie to my boyfriends and say it was ok that I couldn’t get off. then at least they could enjoy sex without feeling guilty. but then they’d stop trying, of course. and this one is still trying … sometimes. I mean, it’s clearly never going to work. so I can’t blame him for not having the same passion for trying as he used to. and I keep thinking I should back off. after all, why put pressure on him to “perform”? he’ll just resent me if I keep asking for more, even if I’m gentle about it and compliment him and all that. since nothing he does works. it will never work. (more…)

    Filed Under: naked candor | Tagged: , , , , , , ,

Older Entries