First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.
And what happens to the marriage AFTER the baby grows up?
Most of us want to fall in love with that person that makes our good lives great. We want to fall in love, get married and have babies. Yes! Happily ever after is what we dream of but spending ever after together means there will be many, many years that you have to spend with your love after those babies grow up and leave. Unfortunately, many couples don’t plan for the years after the babies grow up. You might not know this if you haven’t reached your parenting years but once the babies come they tend to take over a couple’s lives. Almost everything becomes about the babies and sometimes…well, sometimes it leaves little room for the couple.
Six word story: What happens is up to y’all!
Simple enough? No? It is really up to you and your love whether or not your marriage works after the kids are grown. Babies need a lot of love, attention and even more guidance and don’t forget they will also need a lot of discipline. Speaking of discipline…love is a discipline. It is a subject you will spend your entire life studying and if you are any good at it you will never conquer it. Pray to that sweet minty baby Jesus as much as you can all the while holding on until your knuckles bleed but please make sure to plan further ahead than you can even think of. Oh, and did I mention please don’t forget to live in the moment because that is all that is promised. The baby Jesus…he really isn’t that minty or sweet. So. Here I am to burst your bubble with my knowledge and lack thereof after thirteen years of being a wife and sometimes a shitty one at that…
…What happens to a marriage after the kids are gone?
If my romance to the father of my children lasts the test of time it will be due to laughter and if it doesn’t it will be due to my unquenchable thirst for sex with others. So. Here I stand after thirteen years of one magnificent roller coaster of a marriage, after three kids, after having nothing and after standing at the brink of having everything ,yet, I really haven’t lived that far ahead to really give you advice that comes from the experience of knowing better. Unlike the other pundits that will claim to know the answers that they are basing on guesses of “if and when” I will give you these three tidbits based on what works for me us today…
- Us VS Them! – Whether it is his or her mother, the kids or those very close extremely meddling friends it should always be your love and you versus them! Always. Really. Yes. You cannot put the opinions of family and friends before that of the man/woman that you love and have chosen to spend forever with. Yes, you love your parents very much. Yes, your children are your number one priority. Yes, you thank God that your lifelong friends love you and support you unconditionally. BUT at the end of the day if you want your marriage to survive decadessssss your love and you must always be a united front before anyone, everything, always and forever…no matter what. Nobody can come between two people in love if their love creates an impenetrable force around them.
- Create a love ritual! – Every couple should have one special moment set aside in their day to reconnect. This special ritual can take place in the morning, during midday or right before bed. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy but it has to be special to both of you. Whether it is chatting over coffee in every morning, enjoying a quick lunch together everyday away from your offices or sitting on the couch together after the kids are in bed and giving one another foot rubs each night. Life can be fast and hectic but having a love ritual that you share each day creates a space to celebrate your love for one another regardless of how fast the world is spinning around you both. Couples that reconnect even in the smallest way each and every single day leave little room for someone or something to come between them.
- Quality. Sex. Often. – It is important to have quality sex with the one you love often. Couples should never let too much time pass between their romps in the sheets. Do your very best to make their sure that you frequently show your love how they get your love machine purring. Feeling wanted, feeling sexy, feeling like you are the match that lights the fire for that special man or woman is a very important high in every relationship. Just make sure that more often than not a good sexing follows the desire. Good sex relieves tension, elevates moods and provides you both with a uniting O! Over the course of a very long marriage couples should also explore all the positions, licks, sucks, pokes, prods, and countless ways they can make their love come. Sexing often and sexing well, at the very least makes it rather difficult for your spouse’s eye to stray because you are the one keeping their thirst for sex quenched.
These three things I’ve shared with you are elements that have kept Mr. B and I united for over a decade now. They are elements that I think could keep us together long after our children have moved on to creating their own lives as men. Yet, they are only my words and my opinion. Never take my word or the word of anyone as the gospel when it comes to creating the sex, love and joy you want in your life. Read and listen to what others have to say but remember that living is like cooking…we can all share our recipes…but the absolute best part of living is experimenting with what ingredients work best for you and yield you your very own perfect balance of SexLoveJoy!
That being said, I’d love and would very much appreciate hearing some of your secrets that will help your love last the test of parenthood and time…
