The Opposite of Sexy by Jamilah Lemieux

Sex is everywhere you turn. It aint hard to tell: it sells and we live in a capitalist society. If abstinence sold, those kids on Gossip Girl would be trading promise rings instead of exchanging fuck faces. However, the over-saturation of sexual imagery has not only failed to eradicate Americans’ antiquated ideas about sex (we’re still plenty judgmental and beholden to some puritanical notions), it’s also made sexy a lot less, well, sexy.

Hip-Hop is, as usual, one of the most guilty spaces. The titillating sexy suggestions of LL Cool J and the naturally seductive voice of Rakim have given way to a bunch of goons that promise to bust your pussy open and beat the stuffing out of it, after they see ‘what that mouth do’. While rough sex is certainly a fan favorite for many folks, there is still much to be desired when so much of our music centers around sex acts that almost sound hateful or abusive.

Let’s keep it 100: these cats aren’t exactly sex positive. They don’t simply lack the language to describe a kink for role play between two adults who have a mutual respect for one another, but mimic an mildly sado-machochistic dynamic, but there is also much evidence to support the notion that respect just ain’t in the building. What’s sexy about a man who doesn’t seem to view women-at least not the ones who see him fit to sleep with-as equal beings talking about their bodies as if they were things?

The Yin-Yang Twins’ “Whistle While You Twerk”, which was a big hit when I was in college, marked a big turning point for me as a Rap listener, as it relates to sex. I was never a fan of their sort of music, but “make that pussy fart” just took the shit to a whole new level for me. How did we get from LL’s “Doin’ It”, which managed to make casual sex sound appealing without removing the element of respect, to up and coming rapper Dom Kennedy talking about “you aint got head, I aint got time” or Rick Ross saying “my baddest bitch is Spanish/yeah, they call me ‘loco’/so I fuck ‘em in they ass out in Acapulco”

The bravado found in Hip-Hop can be super sexy, but what’s sexy about hearing men talk about sex using the same language of 19-year-old virgins with something to prove? Not only does this cheapening of sex impact the attitudes that young listeners have about sexuality, but it has desensitized even some of us ‘real’ adults. I’m all for someone asking if he can touch me ‘there’, but when the language skews to the cheaply vulgar, I wish he’d sing another tune.

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