Love has been on my mind a lot lately. I have a lot of love in my life. I love my mother and she loves me very much. I have my sons and they love me very much. I have their father who loves me very much even to this day who I also love very much. I have friends and even clients that love me. All this love in my life but nowhere in it is the romantic love that is right for me…the love I need and seek. Sometimes I think that I grew up with way too many R&B songs that skewed my idea of what romantic love is and should be. Maybe so. Yet, there still in my head is this “idea” of what love is.
So, what is love? Love isn’t a feeling or concept, not to me at least. Love is about who it allows you to be. Love shouldn’t hold on to your kite’s tail while you sail but it should steer you clear of obstacles. When times get tough Love should be the one soft spot you can rest your head but Love should never let you rest too long. Love should be the challenge that carries you forward to do better, to be more because Love always should be about joint progress as individuals. Love should be that face in the crowd that knows what you are thinking with just one glance yet doesn’t know everything you are thinking. Love should always keep some mystery so there is more to learn tomorrow, always leaving some little morsel to devour.
Yes, maybe I live in an R&B song or several from the early ’90s but for some reason I think he will find me. Who is he? He is a man who understands that all it takes for me to be Love is for him to be genuine in the way he sees about this girl and properly courts. The right man won’t wine and dine me in expensive restaurants during courtship. He will take me around his family and friends with each visit making me a part of them and them me. The right man won’t buy me gifts but will gift me with his gratitude by remembering the little things. The little things are him showing interest in what I’m doing, him always telling me how much he loved the meal I cooked for him and well, sex and a lot of it. The right man will be my shield and my sword and I will be his pillow and his quilt. With each day that passes that shield will have new scratches cast on us by the world and the quilt new patches we create to forever remember that moment. I promise not to ever ask him what he’s thinking or why he loves me. I won’t have to ask what he’s thinking because when it is important I’ll be the first to know. I won’t have to ask why he loves me because I’ll know he loves me because I tend to his wounds and he loves that they are my best kept secret.
I want him to be the only one for me forever and ever.
Did R&B severely mess my view of love up for life? Probably, yet I hold on to the hope that this dream will become real when Love finally finds me and brings the music back…
