I’m pretty sure you’re all aware of how sex can be used as a weapon, yes? Let me see if I can broaden your perception of what that means, or at the very least, explain to you what I think it means.
There are many different opinions in the world in regards to the subject of sex. In my opinion, sex is a God given gift that we all have. Birds do it, bees do it, yada, yada. You’ve all heard the song. Most creatures on this planet copulate. Most, not all. (Sorry to those asexuals out there.) But humans? Humans are, by far, the best and most creative at the game of sex.
Sex is often used as a marketing tool as well as, most obviously, to populate the masses. Sex can be used as a weapon too. Sometimes that weapon is used for seemingly good purposes, like manipulating attention from someone you find very appealing. On the other hand, it can be used as a punishment. Now, I’m not talking about the fun kind of punishing that some of you enjoy. No. I’m talking about withholding in the name of -I’m so pissed off at you, I’m not going to fuck you tonight- kind of punishment.
Now, I’m going to direct this post to the ladies, simply because the ladies are the ones that wield the power of the magical vagina. What I tell you next may not apply to all ladies, but it does apply to most. However, I do want the men to read because you’ll learn something.
Ladies, have you ever purposely withheld sex from your man because you were pissed off at him? Or have you ever gone days, weeks, or even months without having sex with your partner because you were “too tired?”
Raise your hands, please. Yes, just as I thought. Many of you.
With that little fact established, I want to clarify that I’m not talking about couples who are having serious issues in their relationships and maybe, because of such issues, the sex has, let’s just say, tapered off. No, I am talking about withholding out of spite or simply because you’re just too tired or you had a busy day. Hey, I get it. I work a full time job, a very busy job, and I have three kids as well as a host of other obligations outside of family and work, and that doesn’t even include my writing time. If I’m not careful, No honey, not tonight, can and has become a regular, automatic statement as I climb into bed. Next thing I know, I’ve got a husband who is feeling quite neglected. Not good ladies, not good at all.
Here’s the deal. I attended a weekend women’s retreat a while ago and the woman running it started talking about this very subject. She asked the ladies in attendance the same questions and stated the same examples I did above.
Then she asked something very interesting.
When your child gets up in the middle of the night sick and you’re exhausted, do you just decide at that moment you’re not going to be a mom? ‘Oh sweetie, mommy is too tired, go take care of yourself.’ Have you ever done that? Would you ever do that?
Everyone shook their heads no, of course. It’s true, I would never just say, “sorry little darling you’re SOL, now go back to bed.” I’d drag my ass up and out of bed and take care of my sick child. I’m a mom. I don’t get to not be a mom whenever I feel like it.
Then she asked: Why is it any different in regards to your spouse or partner? After all, you’re in a committed relationship and part of being in a committed relationship is sex. Why would you deny your partner a basic need?
Wow! Well, when you put it that way, she does sort of have a point. I’m a wife. I don’t get to not be a wife whenever I feel like it either.
You see, our men think of sex constantly and for the most part always want to have sex with us. Even if they are pissed off at us beyond belief, or if they have a headache and yes, even when they are tired. They still want to have sex. It’s just how men are. I do agree that some women are like this too, but most women are not. Men need to have sex with us to feel close to us. Women need to feel close to their men to have sex with them. Ah, yes. There’s that whole Mars/Venus or Earth/Jupiter, whatever you call it, thing.
Ready for the next thing she said? Yes, I thought you might be. (Men, look away, egos may be bruised.)
It takes eight minutes ladies. Bend over and give the man a little sex, for crying out loud. Eight minutes! If you don’t believe me, watch the clock.
So, the next time I had sex with my husband, I checked the clock. No shit! Eight minutes. But let me qualify that, because I am not saying my husband has no staying power. What I mean is, there was very little foreplay, not much at all, really. Just good, old fashioned, vanilla sex. What? I was tired and yeah… Anyway, I don’t care how good your stamina is, basic sex still takes eight minutes, give or take a minute or two.
My point is that she was right, it was only eight minutes, and what do you know? He was happy and I was happy because I had a nice little orgasm too. Then I got to go to sleep.
She also commented about the “withholding” out of spite tactic and did a little finger shaking at us.
In my opinion, you can sort of justify the whole “I’m too tired thing,” but purposely withholding sex from your partner is not okay on any level. For one thing, it’s cruel and for another, it’s a misuse of your magical vagina powers. And remember… With great power, comes great responsibility.
A sexually sated man is a happy man, and I guarantee you that you won’t be pissed off at him anymore after a nice roll in the sheets.
Use your magical vagina powers for good, not evil, ladies. It keeps everyone out of trouble, if you ask me. Eight minutes is all it takes. Who knows, you may even want to throw a little foreplay in there and go for an even sixteen minutes! *wink*
Love and Kisses.
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Naked Candor is an uncensored series of bold but delicate stories that reveal complicated personal truths about life, love and sex; told by those brave enough to bare!
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